The boy!

My baby is six months old!!!!!  

No, I'm not kidding!  Yes, it does feel like he was just born!  I think back over the last six months and feel like it has gone by in about a week but when I think of a specific memory, like our first night home with him, it feels like it was a million years ago.  It's such an odd sensation to remember your children's lives in vivid detail note that I can't ever remember where my keys are and at the same time feel like it has gone by and you haven't soaked them up enough.  I feel like I was just battling learning how to breastfeed thinking that solid foods were as far away as college.....yet, here we are.  My boy is eating foods and eating them like he has been doing so all his life. Actually he took the first bite, grabbed the spoon and shoved it back in his mouth then proceeded to look at me like "HOW have you been keeping this from me all this time woman!?" 

He is changing a little more every day.  Every morning I swear he is bigger than when I put him to bed.  His laugh is contagious and makes parts of my heart sing that I didn't know were there until he opened the door to them.  He is content and calm like his Papa and Daddy all while making the same serious face.  Note to self, find a picture of my dad making the same face and post here.  Hey dad!  Remember all those times you embarrassed me at the mall? .... Kind of regretting it now that your daughter found her voice on a public blog?  Bwahahahaha!  

By the way, that's the face my dad is making as that realization sinks in.  ;)

Bennett is such a snuggler and I LOVE it.  He is independent and plays on the floor or in a seat while I tend to things that need to get done but he also loves to sit up checking the world out from the perch of someone's knee or the crook of my arm.  

He is an excellent napper taking 2-3 good, hour or more naps a day.  He then sleeps from about 7pm to 5am (wakes to eat) then back out until 6:30 or 7am.  I get called to put his paci in once or twice sometimes but I don't have to stay up for that.

As of five months ish he has been rolling over both ways, although much more from tummy to back.  

 

He is tripod sitting and actually staying up as of TODAY!  He knows how to get my attention and laughs so hard when it works.  He makes me cry with relief when I think of how close we both came to having a much different outcome at the beginning of his life. Click here for that story. He can melt my heart with one of his little smirks and calm my nerves as he reaches up and holds my cheeks. 

Before we got pregnant with him I had such a hard time picturing our family with a boy in it.  I would try my hardest to imagine it but just couldn't.  As soon as I got pregnant I KNEW he was a boy.  I was so excited but I still couldn't quite picture how it all would look/feel.  It has only been six months but I already wouldn't recognize our family without him.  He has affectionately become known as " the boy" or just "boy" in our house.  Not kidding, that is his honest to god knick name.  Sorry boy....see?  The girls love him and instinctively know how to make him laugh.  Alyssa can calm him even when I can't. They were all meant to be siblings and it is amazing to watch.  I feel like I have waited my whole life to have all my people together and I am just trying to absorb every minute while not losing the ability to function in the world.  It's hard to soak up all of the seconds in a day while trying to remember all the details of everyone's schedules.  Maybe by the time they move out I will figure it out.  Until then, just keep texting me reminders.  You know who you are.  :)

Dear Bennett,

I dreamed of you before anyone knew you were there.  I held you in my heart before anyone else could see or feel you.  I learned your personality before we knew what you looked like.  I memorized your soul before you took your first breath. Happy six months boy.  You are the perfect ending to our baby journey.

Love,

Mommy

Don't know where to start....

My poor little blog.  I think of posts to write then never get around to sitting down to write them.  I will try to update over the next few days so the posts may seem a bit disjointed.  Here goes...deep breath in.

I loved the randomness of being a kid.  I miss it really.  That frame of thinking that things just happen magically and are awesome all by chance.  The reality is that behind every "random" activity there is a parent who planned for at least 3 hours 30 minutes to make that magic seem, well, seamless.  Take picnicking at the park for instance.  I decided that we needed some spontaneity in our lives and we were going to up and have a picnic dinner at the park and play until the girls were worn out.  The kid in my head was all "THE PARK!  Ok, out the door we go with dinner and everything fun to play with at the park!".  Then it hit me, that reminder that I am the parent and not the kid. hahaha! There is a lot of prep work to be spontaneous with three kids.  My goal is for them not to notice and to just remember us randomly jumping in the van and heading to the park for dinner and evening family time.  What really happened was about 45 minutes of me making said picnic dinner, gathering blankets, changing baby, packing bubbles and other goodies and finally getting girls ready. 

It's not quite the same as being the kid in the scenario but watching them run to the car all excited for a break in routine then acting like eating on a blanket in the grass is the coolest thing EVER kind of made the effort seem.....effortless. It's kind of how mom's look back on labor like "Pishaw! That wasn't SO bad, I could do that again."  

Stay tuned for future picnics and evenings at the park.  I am now a hero to two little girls and I have to admit I kinda like it.  :)

Parenting ain't for sissies...

Parenting is a weird creature.  It single handedly strips away all that you thought was so important before you had kids, rearranges it and throws it back in your face.  For example, in your teens and early 20's you spend all of your time trying to find yourself.  You obsess over clothes, makeup, boys, friends, what you want to be when you grow up, where you want to live...me,me,me,me.  The world is your oyster.  You plan and envision everything that you will do out in that big, bad ass world.  Then you meet a boy (or girl), possibly get married, buy a house, and ....have kids.  You are still a bad ass woman out in the world working and being all independent and stuff.  You are pregnant, still feeling like the world is your oyster, people give up their seats on buses, throw showers, and overall oogle over you.  Then you have your little perfect bundle of awesome.  You still have a great sense of style only none of your clothes fit so you kind of live in pj pants and t-shirts.  You may still have that awesome career you worked so hard for but you spend your day thinking about what your new little human is doing.  You may have given up that career that you worked so hard for so you are actually staring at your little human all day as not to miss a single thing. 

Makeup?  What's that?  Boys?...Got one!  Friends?  LOVE THEM!  Well, when I can find the time in between feeding the baby to escape for a bit to enjoy them.  Finding yourself?  Did that!....then kind of got sidetracked by said little human and became their mommy instead of strictly my own person. 

Parenting is weird.  You think you are doing awesome and have it all together without giving up any of yourself in the process until you walk by a mirror one day and realize that your shirt has barf on the shoulder, your hair is in a pony tail for the tenth day in a row, your jeans have a stain on them that you are pretty sure has something to do with your mini's food (although you can't remember which meal) and you haven't done anything for yourself in what feels like a million years.  Those without children by choice are now saying "WELL DUH!  That's why I don't have children!!!"

Those of us with children are saying ...."You have no idea how wonderful it is."  See?  It doesn't make sense at all.  Parenting is weird!  Nothing about it follows the rules of life. Having a baby in the house is like parenting boot camp.  It is the hardest yet easiest part of parenting.  How can that even make sense?!  I am here to tell you that it does.  Parenting is SO hard.  SO tiring.  SO mind numbingly boring yet overwhelming all at the same time.  WEIRD I SAY!

It is hidden moments during a day where you want to just cry because you love your mini(s) so much.

There are playroom tent days for no other reason than that you are finally the parent and you can if you wanna. :)

It is staring at your children for hours trying hard to memorize every face they make so that you never forget that specific moment in time.

It's realizing that even though time seems to stand still when you are in the thick of it, it is really flying by faster than you can ever wrap your head around.

Birth

3 months

It is feeling like you have lost yourself for a bit and being totally ok with it because you are busy making their lives better....and you know that parenting is weird and your time to shine will return.

Parenting makes you randomly step back and assess your life and what's important.  You all of a sudden look at your "baby" and realize that she is the big girl now, and she loves her brother more than you ever dared to hope she would.

You look at your first "baby" and realize that she is about to be a first grader and it makes your heart skip a beat and your eyes fill with tears because wasn't she just his age?

You are tired and burned out.  You feel like you will never do anything for yourself again.  You go to the bathroom and on the odd occasion they let you keep the door shut the entire time, you feel like you are on a vacation.  Five hours of consecutive sleep feels like a day a the spa.  You think "Why did I do this again?"

....and then you remember...

 

 

...and remembering it all is half the battle...

The past and present (s)

So along came the holidays yet again.  I LOVE Christmas.  Seriously, I want to just stay home and roll around in it all.  I am usually the first one getting all of the decorations out, making Cliff smell everything we own that smells like cinnamon (because evidently in my head this is what Christmas smells like), cut out snowflakes, hope for snow, drive around like a crazy lady looking at lights.... well, you get the idea.

This year, this year was different.  I wasn't feeling it.  It was HOT here for December...as in in the 60's and 70's for one thing which completely throws off my holiday chi.  I need freeze your nose off cold and no sun for a month to REALLY get in that holiday spirit. hahaha Then there was the whole "I just had a baby and I have absolutely no idea what time it is much less what month I'm in" thing going on.  So I wasn't "all in" at Christmas this year to begin with.

All of that brings me to the "Past" part of this post.  Stay with me, we are going way back here.  I grew up with dogs.  Never had a cat, was actually kind of freaked out by them....like they knew something I didn't.  (turns out they do by the way)  I went off to college, moved off campus and decided I missed having a pet.  I was a big girl now and wanted to start my own little first family.  First families are pets and sometimes a boyfriend in case you weren't aware.  Felix was the animal who crawled into my heartstrings and got all tangled up.  He was in a home that couldn't really care for him, he was small and the last of a litter and I SWEAR he said "take me home and love me forever and ever" the first time I picked him up.  He was not so scary and didn't freak me out at all and he was the teeniest thing that had ever needed me.  I took him home and loved him up.  Fast forward to this year.  He started to look a bit shabby and unkept which was very unlike my OCD cat.  Then he began to lose weight. Then all of a sudden he just looked terrible.  Literally overnight.  He went from kind of looking like he was going downhill to "holy cow, how is he holding on".  He was stumbling around and wouldn't eat....and I knew it was time to put on my big girl panties and do what I needed to do.  On December 23rd we found out he had been suffering from kidney disease which is always fatal.  He was in the VERY end stages of it.  It was time for me to love him enough to let him go....and it totally sucked.  I took him to the vet alone, told him everything I wanted to, then held and hugged him as he passed into sleep then away forever.  It was pretty much a horrific experience and one I hope I never have to do again (although I know better since he was one of three kitties in our house).  I came home to life as normal only my brain was stuck in that horrid moment when I knew he was gone.  I have this terrible need to relive things in my head that are hard to deal with until my brain kind of desensitizes to it.  It may seem like I am being dramatic or closed off but my brain doesn't care what it makes me come across looking like...it kind of has a mind of it's own. (buddum bum ching) This took about 5 days with Felix.  Over and over and over it played out in my head, in my dreams and in my heart.  Christmas fell 2 days into this process....and I feel like I wasn't really all there.  I had a great time don't get me wrong.  I mean, it WAS Christmas after all.  How bad could it really be?  But I just wasn't all there and I feel kind of bad about it.  Next year we shall rock it out loud, but this year....I just needed to miss my cat.

Ok, mop up the tears and onto the Presents!  I mean, present.  ;)

Even in the funk I cannot deny how much I love this season.  My girlies are both at an age where they really know what is going on and anticipate.  Their eyes lit up with each passing house that was all decorated and twinkly.  Their little bodies quivered with excitement as we decorated the tree.  Note to self: LED lights suck.  Blue and purple?  Really?  C'mon people!  Holiday lights should be red, orange, yellow, and green.  How did you miss this memo!?  Case in point...

As my friend Kristi pointed out "LED lights make it look like a disco ball" (referring to her house but it applies here as well).  Kind of misses the mark on warm and fuzzy.  

Christmas in our house starts on Christmas eve with my parents.  We do gifts for the kids, have an awesome meal (this year it was prime rib...droooool) then after the kids go to bed we do a nice and relaxing evening of opening gifts and enjoying dessert and coffee.  It's a bit sinful really.

My mom has literally been chomping at the bit to buy the girls a dollhouse pretty much since we found out Natalie was a girl.  Each year they just didn't quite seem ready...until this year.  Oh.My.Gosh. The hours they have played with this! It tandems as a gift for mommy too. haha

 
Seriously, don't you just want to shove them out of the way and play? 






I just love how into it all she is.

 
Real men....





Natalie is our big uncertainty at the holidays.  Will she understand?  Will it be too overwhelming?  Overstimulating?  Will she even care?  Well, I am here to say that my girl has arrived.  Since going gluten free she is like a different child.  I know I have said it before but OMG she is seriously so different!  She LOVED it all this year.  She opened all of her own gifts and got excited by the contents.  Last year she meandered off before we were even finished...this year?  This year she opened some of Bennett's when hers were finished.  Why hello big girl!  Welcome <3




Next up? Christmas morning of course! With it we saw faces like this:



..and excitement like this:


If you know us at all then you have heard of the famous "Pete the Cat".  She got two books and the stuffed animal and her face was priceless!  You would have been able to see it if she weren't holding the book in front of herself saying "PETE THE CAT!"  aaaah...love me some excited big girlness.






Then there was this next moment.  My girl asked and asked for a Tangled Tower.  I had just happened to have already bought one...before she started asking.  Why yes, I really am that good.  ;) It must be a genetic super power because my parents do the same thing with me every year.  She opened it up and yelled "IT'S A TANGLED TOWER!"  With the magical wonder and excitement that only a child can have at Christmas.

 

Then she proceeded to lay on it so Natalie couldn't touch it.  



Have I mentioned lately how much I love the 3's?  No? hmmmm interesting.  Even Gary looks offended.

The rest of the morning was a blur of this:






Don't worry, I didn't forget about it being Bennett's first Christmas.  As soon as he woke up (cause he loves us and sleeps in) I got some of him hamming it up.



Don't you just want to eat his cheeks off?  ME TOO!


We always spend Christmas day home with just the five of us then get up and out of the house bright and early on the 26th and head to see Cliff's family.  Bennett was a champion and made the entire trip without a tear or needing to stop.  LOVE HIM!  Alyssa spent the entire trip telling us who we were going to see, how we were all related and how excited she was.  :)  

We got there, said hello and passed around some hugs.  Ever since the beach Natalie has taken a shine to her Uncle Darren.  It's kind of the cutest thing ever.








Bennett got in on that action too. 



After all of the hello's it was time to get down to business. haha  PRESENTS!


Cliff's sister Tay got both of the girls a set like this with their names on them.  SO CUTE!!!!


I managed to snag one picture of Allen.  He is at the "I hate getting my picture taken" stage. I take what I can get.  



Seriously, is there anything better than this expression on a kids face at Christmas?!  I think not!









Sara is SO into babies and baby dolls so when we showed up with Bennett and she got to hold him....well....







Let's just say he gave her perma grin.  Cousins are good like that. 



I wish they lived closer so my kids could have Sara babysit.  I don't think Alyssa would let me come home if that ever happened. hahaha  



Does anyone else totally LOVE that they match in this picture?  Did you just look back at the picture to see if I was right?

Natalie might not either...











Then you have the grandparent factor.  There are only 3 little girls in the whole world who can worm their way into that chair with Dodaddy....



It's kind of a super power. ;)



There is nothing quite as fun as watching all of the kids together.  I love how the older ones have learned to play with the littles and how the littles have learned how to idolize the biggies.  So fun all around!





Overall I would say that Christmas was a gigantic success.  Bennett was beside himself with excitement...





...and doctors Natalie and Alyssa are still loving all of the presents and memories.  (I know because Alyssa is still reiterating it all haha)





I hope that you all had wonderful holidays too!  Now back to our regularly scheduled lives.