The beginning...

 ...Of preschool that is!  All of my friends have been talking about how great it will be.  "Oh Lori just wait!  You will have 3 days a week with time all to yourself and it is AWESOME!"  In the back of my mind I couldn't help but think I am not ready...I like being home with my girls.  I CHOSE to leave my career behind to stay home with them. I kind of live for it... Most of my friends feel the same way.  They kind of like those few hours alone but honestly don't know what to do with themselves.  Not like I don't know how to be alone or how to appreciate a little quiet, just that I really, truly miss my kids when they aren't here.  I would rather grocery shop with them than without.  I either get the eye roll/deep sigh/"you are crazy" from other moms when I say that or they nod in agreement.  It is a quick way to find other moms like yourself...just say "my kids are both in school this year for the first time" then wait for their response. haha

Back to my girl.  Alyssa has watched patiently as Natalie has gone off to school day after day for the last two years.  Like me, she enjoyed the break, but missed her sister a lot. 

She was involved with Natalie's preschool class whenever I went in to volunteer since Natalie's teachers were incredible and just kind of sucked her into whatever they were doing.  A year ago she was no where near ready to leave my side.  Then all of a sudden....she just was.  Her little wings grew a bit bigger and off she went.  She was SO excited and SO proud to be the big girl going to her own school "just like Natalie".  

She picked out her first backpack and couldn't wait to wear it in.  



We weren't even all the way out of the car and she was ready to high tail it into her new world of big girl-ness.  I kept my cool and waddled after her trying to get pictures...waddle, waddle

I was so excited for her and at the same time so sad that we were at this point already.  The beginning of the school years.  The beginning of really letting go.  The beginning of the end of it just being her and I against the world all day. The beginning of me trusting my daughters future to strangers...the beginning of it all.   

I looked on proudly as she hung up her backpack and put her lunch box on the shelf.  I held back tears as I kissed her goodbye to her sweet voice saying "Bye mommy!"  I stayed strong as her words from earlier in the morning rang through my head "You are going to drop me off and I am going to stay for 3 and a half HOURS!!!"  The excitement in her voice and the total lack of fear let me know that we had done good and that she was indeed ready to fly.   

I on the other hand got back into my car and proceeded to sob for the next 5 minutes...when do mom's wings get bigger?  I don't feel like I am quite ready to fly....sigh

Kindergarten.....sniff

I can't believe I am actually sitting here writing this post. I can't believe my "baby" is in kindergarten! I wasn't nearly as nervous or upset as I thought I would be when it was time to drop her off. I kind of feel like dropping her off for preschool when she was 3 was her real first day of school and this was just a continuation. 

At the same time I was all nostalgic with the fact that she was beginning her big girl school years at the same place that my school years (teaching) left off. It's like she stepped right into the world I left behind to stay home with her. I worked at this school right out of college until I had her.  I LOVED it there and felt like it was my family away from home as much as one can when they are at work.  This school saw me through getting married, struggling to get pregnant, teaching while pregnant and finally having Natalie and all the emotions that came with her.  It was the first place I took her when we left the NICU because I just couldn't wait to show her off to people that I knew would see nothing but my gorgeous baby girl.  They did not disappoint...picture a building full of women, add newborn. haha She has been smothered and loved there since that day by all the same people who she now sees on a daily basis.  I can't tell you how comforting that is. I love me some full circleness!!!

I have been so disgustingly excited about this year beginning due to the fact that her teacher is AMAZING!  I had some major separation anxiety at the end of preschool at the thought of leaving her teachers who were also completely amazing.  I was worried this year would bring with it a teacher who wouldn't get her, who wouldn't have the patience or the personality to bring out the best in my girl.  I could not have been more off.  So far Natalie has done nothing but beam when asked about school and that to me speaks volumes.  I even heard that she crawled up onto her teachers lap and laid her head on her shoulder.  That.is.unheard.of! haha  

Ok back to the first day...focus! That morning went off without a hitch.  She got ready to go and about ran to the car with her backpack...thinking she might have been just a tad bored with staying home all summer with me. haha

She took off her backpack, put it in the car and hopped in and buckled herself.  Excited much?

It's weird when you step back for a minute and realize just what a big kid your "baby" really is.  She is a champion and I am so proud to be her mommy.  Just 5 short years ago our lives were in a state of shock and what ifs.  Of fear and unknowns.  Of doubts in ourselves and in what the future held for our girl.  Today....well, today they all just kind of melted away.  

I got her out of the car where she promptly grabbed her backpack and headed for the door.  I had to call her back for a kiss and a quick hug (obviously more for me than for her haha).  She then turned, took her teacher's hand and headed in like she had been going there for years. 


Not sure what she was saying here but I couldn't get her to stop talking long enough to get a smile...I wonder where she gets that from?  


Saying "Cheese!"  

I gave a little sniff and a wave as we sent her in for her first day of big girl school.  Kindergarten, how did we get here so fast?  I hope that she enjoys the new crayon smell as much as her mama does.  Off to wait on the bus now....  :)

Coming soon....

The first day of school post that I was so excited to post cannot get posted because I can't get photobucket to work right. It is set to mobile settings ON MY DESKTOP and I can't figure out how to fix it. Come back and check....I promise it is coming.