Did you feel it? Did you just throw up in your mouth a little? Did your insides cringe? Did you have to stop yourself from letting a tear slip down your cheek? Did a picture of a beautiful, smart and fantastic little girl just flash through your head? That is what happens every.single.time I hear that word used flippantly in society. This is how I felt today when I heard one of my favorite actresses say it on air. She didn't pause. She didn't hesitate. She didn't cringe....
Why? Why do the words nigger or fag make you cringe and gasp with surprise (Did they? They freaking well had better!) but the word retard make so many laugh? Why is ok?
I will tell you, it is because people with the medical diagnosis (yes, medical diagnosis and NOT just a random slang, made up word) of mental retardation cannot fight back. They are considered an "easy target". My daughter will not punch someone for using that word. I might, but she won't. You walk down the street and laugh at a friend and call them a n***er and you will get your ass kicked. Cringe factor. You call someone a f*g because they love someone of the same gender and you will get your ass kicked. Cringe factor. You call your friend the r-word and Natalie is not going to come after you. You are safe, it makes you feel bigger, better, stronger, smarter? Where the hell is the cringe factor???!!! Why don't more people feel it?
This is a question I ask myself more often than I would like. Why do I have to educate my children about the world AND educate the world about my child? Do you have to do that? Do you walk through a store and hear someone use your child's traits used synonymously with the word stupid?....I do. Cliff does. Alyssa does. My parents do. His parents do. Natalie's Aunts, Uncles, Great Aunts, Great Uncles, cousins and friends do.....and someday she will hear it. She will hear it. She.Will.Hear.it! I will have to teach her how to live in a world that uses something that is physically part of who she is as a bad word. I will have to teach her to be bigger, better, and stronger than the hurt that that word will cause. In doing so, she will become smarter than those who use it
.....she already is.
.....she already is.
sometimes it's just there. i do it. stephen does it. you are talking and you are thinking in your head "better not say it, better not say it" and it comes out anyway. i don't connect it to my daughter or your daughter or any other child/adult with "special needs" (which i hate THAT phrase). i know i shouldn't say it. but sometimes...it's just there- you have to forgive. people make mistakes.
ReplyDeleteugh! That link to the Jen Anniston thing today made me SICK! Why is it okay to pick on those who can't (or won't) fight back. Great post. I wish I had written it myself. Love you guys!
ReplyDeleteRock on, sista!
ReplyDeleteLove you. You know how I feel about this. <3 This word is NOT OK. Not how it's used. Period. No excuses.
ReplyDeleteHey, keep on keeping on lady..you made very solid points and I can only hope your words reach many and possibly change even just 1 heart. Take care
ReplyDeleteThis is so well written. Fluck Family not to single you out but respectfully... we know people make mistakes... but how often do you make that mistake with the other equally offensive words referenced above? We have forgiven, we constantly forgive but ultimately we need your help to help us forget. It friggin stays in your head.... it keeps you up at night..... SO PLEASE REMEMBER! I grew up in the South - people used to "forget" alot more often than they do now..... I'm just sayin.... I put anonymous bec I don't have accts. I'm Rachel Douglas a FB follower
ReplyDeleteChange has to start somewhere by someone - thank you for being that someone. Mom and Dad
ReplyDeleteThis is a really beautiful post. Thanks for that. I hope we are all able to help make this change in society, soon. I have never used the word, even as a careless teen with no real connections to anyone with an intellectual disability. It always felt wrong. I wish more people felt that way or could discover the damage and hurt that it causes and *grow a conscience.*
ReplyDeleteI was shocked that she said that....and immediately thought of you and Natalie.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you have to deal with this all the time.
....I just teared up reading this.. We heard it yesterday and it was VERY uncomfortable...My husband and I looked at each other in shock and disgust.
ReplyDeleteYour daughter is lucky to have a mama so strong..! Keep your head up, she is learning how to be strong by your example!!!
:)
Some people are so ignorant and they haven't learned much in their lives. Everyone on this earth is a teacher in some form or fashion and the greatest teachers are the ones that say the least and love the most unconditionally.
ReplyDeleteI work for Devereux Treatment Centers of Texas. That word is NOT OK. We DO have to use labels in our line of work, describing our clients to staff, etc. In my area we use several different descriptions depending on the person we are working with. We have clients who are mentally challenged, and clients who are mentally disturbed, and clients who are mentally disabled. Some are also physically disabled along with mental issues. When I interviewed and walked through the room full of clients waiting to go home or back to dorms I felt scared. It was noisy, and I could not understand most of what they said to me. It was different to me, and I didn't know how to react. Now, those same people are my FRIENDS. I see them like I see all of my other friends outside the workplace. My children understand what I do in my job, and who the people are that I work with. That word is outlawed in our family. www.devereux.org
ReplyDeleteHi!
ReplyDeleteLove your blog... just stumbled on it and LOVE it! Here is a post from my blog from last year on this very topic...http://theknopfcrew.blogspot.com/2009_03_01_archive.html
You have a beautiful family!
~Vicki
AMEN! Lori, you posted a comment on my blog recently about my new baby boy Jack and I just wanted to let you know that you are an inspiration to me as a new parent of a Down Syndrome child. I'm learning more and more each day how much of a blessing our Jack is and I wouldn't change him for the world. You have a beautiful family, and I hope we get to meet you all one day!
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Lori. It is so true. I know in my life I have used that word not intending it to be hurtful to someone with special needs. I can only imagine as a parent how that word makes you feel. It makes me feel that way too. It is important for all parents to discuss this with our children and educate them as well when they can understand why that is offensive. Your daughter is SO beautiful. You are blessed with 3 perfect children! : )
ReplyDeleteThanks for calling this out. My son is two and I've not yet encountered this but I have encountered referring to him as a Downs kid. No, he is a kid who has Down syndrome. And he is perfect.
ReplyDelete